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confessions

Date

I thought that if I kept buying beautiful journals that I would eventually write in one . . . I think it's time for a new strategy.

I’m a recovering perfectionist and . . . a stationery addict as well!

I love running my fingers over the smooth pastel coloured covers of journals, always on the lookout for the next victim to fill with my precious ideas. It’s just the journaling part, where you are supposed to put pen to paper that I struggle with.

My strategy so far, to constantly surround myself with piles of Moleskine and Leuchtturm. They lay beautifully stacked around my home in hues from emerald green to pink, some of them are still in their original packaging. All of them are completely blank, but brimming with potential. Sound familiar?

I thought that creating a more attractive experience would make it more enjoyable, enticing me to conjure up at least a few pages. Instead, I’ve created a constant visual reminder of my lack of motivation. My problem, I want to create the perfect journal.

I visualise characters from Victorian times sitting amongst pages of perfectly handwritten script that sing with their hopes and dreams, surrounded by bound journals brimming with black inked pages full of purpose and importance.

My over-active imagination makes the idea of journaling feel almost impossible, or at the least intimidating. Its easier to admire my stack of journals rather than stain their perfection with my imperfection.

I reminisce about a younger time when I didn’t care and had a secret diary that I kept under lock and key, with the biggest challenge was making sure my brother never found out about it. Journaling was one of the few enjoyable and strangely productive ways I was able to relax my mind. A silent friend and confidant that allowed me to unwind my thoughts, unravel onto their pages.

Unfortunately, belief in its purposefulness isn’t enough to overcome my perfectionism. I justify myself by sympathising with the journals, ‘they are too beautiful to be filled with anything less than perfect handwriting and well-organised ideas.’ The truth is I lack the commitment and dedication to sit down and take the time to put pen to paper for myself.

Sounds like it’s time to make a change. New strategy coming up!